I am at the point where I have to decide what to do best for my kid. she is now 13 years old and she is asking about all of this stuff. Luckily she has a diverse friend circle. It is filled with at least 4 different type of religions being thrown at her. I have to decide what the best for her.

Do I give here a bible and say ok, if you want to know what all this is about, start with this book. Then give her a koran and book of the mormon and so forth. If she wants to go further with one of them, so be it.

I believe if you really read the bible, you will really not want anything to do with it. She will hate reading about stoning gays and accepting slavery, and so forth. I would hope she would hate that book as much as I have grown to hate what it teaches those who do not think for themselves. Yes, it has good stuff too, but so does Harry Potter. ;o)

I just don't really know what to do what is best for her. My views should not be shoved down her throat. I will not indoctrinate my own kid into my beliefs. If I did, I would be no better thatn the others who do this with thier religions with no other options allowed.

Post moved from other discussion
Dave242, I can't wait to read what you have to say about our kids. Thanks for sharing in this with me. I'm sure other will be interested in how where we take this.

Donovan - honestly, you should be honest with your child about how you feel about it. Give her the opportunity to study the different religious books, but don't force it on her. Why fill up her head with useless nonsense?
Just tell her that these other kids come from superstitious families that believe in zombies, and flying people and such, and that they are to be treated the same way you teach her to deal with people who have disabilities. Treat them with the respect and dignity that you would treat anybody else with and make it a point not to point out or discuss their particular disability.

Good stuff waynewf. A lot of my thinking in the last day was along general lines and trying to come up with some sort of overarching philosophy......and that was getting me nowhere. I decided on 2 things to post about:

1) I have to assume we are all living our lives in a way that is in harmony with what we believe is true (or at least we do our best to do that).....so from there we all teach through word and deed. And, show respect and dignity to our kids. A big part of this is to be eager to learn and listen.....not assuming you know before entering into a new friendship. waynewf beat me to it on all of this.
The only other thing I was going to add is that I do not know how many hundred people I have met and talked to that learned a lot from their parents about how NOT to go about things. I'm sure my kids are learning lots of those lessons from me!

2) Talk about what me and my wife discuss and try to implement. Also, relay some conversation and thinking I was involved in when involved in helping to develop a church program/curriculum for kids. I will post a few thoughts on these 2 things later this evening.

I personally feel that anyone who reads the bible with an open mind of deciding if this is something they want to believe in, they will not like what they read. (reasons too numerous to name and have been discussed in other threads.) I personally think the bible is a gateway to atheism, if it is read word for word straight through. But all that aside....

I want her to know there are lots of ways to believe. My argument on another thread about where you were born determines your faith systems is an important thing for her to understand. I want her to use logic, science, and facts to determine her thinking. The funny thing is that her being an atheist means less to me than teaching her to think for herself. She can find her way when she is ready. I'm just not sure how far to go with it. I like what waynewf says, but is it the right thing to do. I am leaning that way and it worries me that so many kids like to go the other way than their parents go. I imagine if I am just calm and simple in our discussions, it won't get to the point where she wants to be the opposite. I have not seen this behavior in her before, but I don't want it to start now. ;o)

I thought about having her write down a list of questions for us to answer together and see if I can teach her how to figure out the answers for herself. What do you guys think of that approach?

I think one of the central themes in our approach to raising our kids (in the years from say 4 to 13) is minimizing the religiosity and trying to live and teach life lessons on the principals. Kindness, goodness, patience, gentleness. Honesty, respect. Teaching and living that others’ needs are more important than our own. Finding joy in each other, in hard work and responsibility, and in the moment. A big thing that is learned especially with siblings (but also with parents) is how to accept forgiveness and seek forgiveness…..reconciliation.

Not that we are anywhere near living this out fully (I wish!), but so much of this is simply the foundation for healthy living. Our hope is that they see a contrast between this and the opposite…..which leads to unhealthy living. We talk about that and as they grow older we try to help them see that more clearly as well as help them to navigate that.

My hope is that when they are grown and read the accounts of Jesus’ life, they will see and hear all of this in his life and teachings and it will resonate with them. If they choose to go a different direction, they will if nothing else have a solid foundation for their character.

Continued....

I have read an intermediate level story Bible (illustrated vividly – over 500 pages long) most of the way through with my 2 oldest (girls). Most of the boring lineages and laws are left out, but there are tons of Old Testament stories of violence, death and other stuff. I wanted them to understand from an early age the wrathful/jealous/justice side of God’s love and also see the tender/nurturing/personal/faithful side.

We do pray with each of them almost every night before bed, but it is them expressing their thoughts and hearts to God – not a rote religious ritual. My son is not into it, so we do not force him. Maybe once every 2 weeks he feels like praying. We eat every dinner together (well about 5-6 per week is the average) and we start every meal with one of several simple songs of thanks.

Continued….

One thing we do not do much of is scripture memorization. My wife would like to do more, but in my opinion (based on observation and experience) until a child is grown, memorization leads to meaningless ritual and dryness. I have nothing against memorization for an adult who can keep the meaning fresh, but that is too much to ask a child to do. Lots of people disagree with this.

I imagine that in the teen years things will change and more conversation and intellectualization of all of this will take a bigger role…..all the while keeping on with living out and teaching and showing the principals. Teaching and modeling understanding/listening and respect/dignity will come more front and center.

My thoughts on scripture memorization was my main issue that I thought needed to be done away with when I was working with a team to develop a curriculum for K-6 at our church back in NC. The thrust of the church in its approach to preaching/teaching (to adults) was to hold out thoughts on “truths” and allow people to take them, chew on them, and see if they resonated. There was no preaching “at” or preaching “down at” members, visitors, or seekers.

So it made sense not to take a similar approach with the kids for 2 reasons: 1) harmony in how we approached things, and 2) not to alienate parents who were attracted to the church for the approach used in preaching/teaching.

Instead, what we ended up doing was emphasizing getting to know a person as a kind and faithful friend. Of course, that person is Jesus. Every Sunday we would read a story, sometimes act it out (self planned and directed in the older grades) and then often do a craft that was along the lines of the story.

Jesus said of himself that he is the truth. So why not learn about him rather than spouting and memorizing propositions about the truth? On top if that, all those propositions so easily (especially for kids) turn into lessons on morality....and that is not what central in following Jesus.

That does not sound like something that the majority of women would find too exciting.

But of course you know and love your daughter and will do what's best.