Old 02-01-2017, 07:48 PM
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Question Courtesy to female players in 2017 - Can it exist?

Hi Everyone !!

I've had several experiences about which I want to open a discussion.

As you may know, I'm a novice but I try to do my best and have fun.

I don't want to be an "angry woman," I just want civility. Common courtesy such as one male player would show to another. The majority of the time, I receive the courtesy or simply get ignored. Those, I can handle. Without getting too much into my personal backstory, I'm used to a certain amount of one or the other.

Today, I was playing a round at my home course on a really beautiful day (albeit a breezy one).
Of course the park was crowded with groups and families. (72 degrees and Sunny? Yes, please!)

As the only one playing a solo round with three discs and a towel, plenty let me play through or I dodged them, going to vacant holes and getting my bogeys and shuffling along, loving my time outdoors and laughing off my bad shots.

One of the fairways is perpendicular to the basket of one hole and the tee of another. I threw my first disc, hit a tree, took my second shot, hit a tree, tried again, hit a tree (what do you expect?).

I was barely even cognizant of the group near my fairway, other than to make sure I didn't hit any of them (yeah, like I can throw that far or that hard!) but still, courtesy is courtesy in a public park.

One of the adjacent party had been observing my unlucky lies and called out something to me about the trees and called me "sweetheart" and assured me I was "still a winner."

I froze and looked at him as he had pulled me completely out of my DG headspace...so he calls it all out to me AGAIN as if I'm deaf and not just SUPER annoyed. I have no idea how to handle the situation. I'm a "live and let live" (frolf and let frolf?) person that rather enjoys being ignored and left alone. We've all been interrupted in a round. You know how it goes.

Humiliated, I holed out as fast as I could and went on to the next tee but I was bleeding silent rage. I thought I might try to finish the round, but that just didn't happen. I peaced out and left so I could clear my mind and try to recover from a wholly unexpected interruption/affront.

A few weeks ago on another occasion, I was registering at the table at a disc event and one of the guys at the table muttered "sexy" but I heard him. Whether it was at me or just for whatever reason, that guy couldn't STFU, I felt like my entry fee was wasted because of what he said. And my performance was garbage that night, even though 99% of the other guys were respectful or ignored me. I want to attend again, but I feel like I would be "making waves" or disturbing the natural order should I return unaccompanied.

I'm equal to the other people. I'm not shopping for a boyfriend. I'm out playing disc to have fun and improve. To be outside, maybe even make a friend here or there. Basically the same reason as everyone else.

Why should my chromosomes have to make me some sort of target, mascot, or toy?

It's not right. For all the talk of "growing the sport" - being rude to women at events and on the course in not the way to do it.

If this is what is going to keep happening, then I am going to throw all my damn discs in the garbage. I don't deserve to be treated this way. No woman does.

Discussion Open !
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:52 PM
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zenbot zenbot is offline
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Are your DG experiences any different than what you face off of the course?

The point I'm getting at is if this is a problem exclusive to disc golf or is it a problem exclusive to men. I tend to think it is the latter.

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Last edited by zenbot; 02-01-2017 at 07:54 PM.
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:56 PM
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Anon Anon is offline
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You ran into 2 A-holes in a sea of people that didn't care you were a girl throwing discs in the park that day (or playing in that tournament)

Why are you letting 2 absolute idiots define your experience?
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Old 02-01-2017, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by zenbot View Post
Are your DG experiences any different than what you face off of the course?
Fair point. I thought about that, too.

I'm getting better at deflecting the phone number offers and handling it diplomatically.

When they stare at me, I pretend like I'm invisible.

I got a "boring" car last year to curb being chased around the roads by guys as would happen in my (cool cool cool) former car.

I can't hermit out in the house all the time, as much as I like being a hermit.
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Old 02-01-2017, 08:10 PM
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Hampstead Hampstead is online now
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When I was a young punk rocker wearing strange hair, all sorts of people called me all kinds of things. One guy even yelled out his car window and called me a biscuit head while I was waiting at a bus stop.

Point being, people can be dumb. Be you, do your thing. If you are confident with who you are, those words lose their power.

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Old 02-01-2017, 08:22 PM
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Martin Dewgarita Martin Dewgarita is offline
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Oh to be by 20 year old internet dwelling self again... this would be a fun conversation to have..
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Old 02-01-2017, 09:18 PM
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Really, your reaction is owned by you. There is nothing really that can be done about rude, disrespectful or inconsiderate people. I mean you could confront them, but generally they lack the consideration or respect to get it. Your reaction though is on you. If I get cut off in traffic and go into a rage, that is my fault. The jackwagon who cut me off is not at fault for my anger. I think Zenbot is on mark here. This is not a disc golf problem, probably less of an issue, really. Your ability to deal with adversity is a one of the inroads to becoming a better person. When encountering such nonsense......acknowledge and move along. Life is too short, sister.....oops, sorry.

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Old 02-01-2017, 09:22 PM
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dwindacatcher dwindacatcher is offline
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Don't let a few people diminish your love for the game. DG as a whole is inclusive. More so than the rest of the world, in my experience. I've never seen a clean cut guy in his 50s help someone with a neck tattoo pick out a shirt, but I have seen that guy help someone with their grip. The best thing you can probably do is get more female friends to play with you. Easiest way to shut down those kind of guys is numbers. As sad as that is.

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Old 02-01-2017, 09:32 PM
loki the trickster loki the trickster is offline
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I am sorry you stumbled across a few dense humans. I dont think you can blame the discgolf community or people that want grow the sport.

The grow the sport people (in any aspect) are small potatoes in the over all disc golf community. They are probably just as small of a group as the humans that you ran across but dont stand out as easily.

I bet that these guys or guy felt like puffing out their chests cause you were alone not that it makes it right.

Have you thought of possibly getting together a few friends to teach and have fun with with? It may not totaly prevent the stupid and ignorant comments (again you cant prevent people from being stupid) but it may make them quiet down or become far less noticeable.

I do think it is sad that it does happen. I do hope that you find a way to block the stupid people out and try to have the best time that you can.
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Old 02-01-2017, 09:56 PM
gdub58 gdub58 is offline
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A couple of observations, with nothing but respect intended:

- The "still a winner" guy, in all likelihood, was trying to be friendly and encouraging. You didn't perceive it that way, and I certainly don't blame you. I also find there are few things more irritating then having a really bad hole or round and having someone tell me "you'll do better next time" or going out of their way to compliment me when I finally make a good throw. But, I also understand that's my issue and that the person is just trying to be supportive and doesn't want me to "throw all my damn discs in the garbage".
- The "sexy" guy, well, he's a nitwit who said something out loud that he should have kept inside his head. As you've said, you run into those kind of guys more often than you would like, and you probably run into more of them off the course than on. I believe most disc golfers are better than that, and your saying that 99% of the guys you encountered were respectful supports that. i'm curious though - you mentioned in both cases that many guys "simply ignore you" - does that bother you as well?

In any event, I hope you keep playing - it sounds like you really enjoy the game.

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