Wife says "Change hobbies…"

[Jay Dub]

Move closer to a course.

 

[Questatement]

I negotiated in advance of getting married my DG time but perhaps even more important is a principle of equal work (home/office) to free-time ratios and money spent on hobbies. The latter is a deal breaker for me.

I won't do all the housework to go disc golfing but I will to balance the week's overall workload. If she can't find something to do in her free-time that she is as passionate about as I am DG, that's her problem.

 

[sloppydisc]

Having read through the opinions on this thread, i find most of them to be pretty dumb personally. Particularly the voices advocating taking a hard line and telling your wife that you could be doing worse things so your wife can suck an egg. This won't do anything to address her concerns or do anything to reduce the friction between the two of you around disc golf. It might be satisfying to think about telling your wife off like this, but it won't give you what you want.

I think the starting point is a conversation with your wife where you communicate why disc golf is important to you and you want to keep it a part of your life. I also think it needs to be accompanied by an offer of compromise, something that gives her more of what she wants since your asking to continue doing what you want. Maybe your wife wants a night to go out with her girlfriends and you could offer to hold down the fort for a night in exchange for some hours playing. Maybe your wife just wants more time with you and you could offer to take care of arranging the details of date nights for the two of you in exchange for some time playing.

My wife has had some hard feelings about disc golf over the last few years although she tries hard to be supportive of a hobby that takes me away from the family for chunks of time. With 4 kids between the two of us, I know that meeting the needs of the kids and my wife are the first steps in getting to do some of the things i want to do.

Yes Dr Phil, tell us how to do it. Priceless. Thanks for the laugh today.

 

[disc qualified]

my old lady knows that i play disc golf during the day and with her at night

that's just how it is

why anybody would shack up with somebody who needs to control you and dictate what you are "allowed" to do just boggles my mind

if you aren't allowed to be you, who are you?

 

[Stardoggy]

My wife knew what she was getting when we got married. I play sports during the summer, and pool during the winter. I wasn't going to quit, and she was cool with it, and we have two kids. It's all about balance...you can't be a jag when you're not discing. Be cool, and you should be fine if you've got the right woman.

 

[Plastic Thunder]

I have seen a number of guys go through this including me. I played ball golf every day when I met my wife and I was good, very good. I played everyday after we were married, I was 29. I played very little when my kids(2) showed up(at 30 and 33), and then left the game entirely. I still have the clubs and the bag. Best choice I ever made, an easy one too.

I picked up disc golf at 50, my youngest is 19, he taught me to play. I am 52 now.

The point is, your family will fly by you in the blink of an eye. I don't miss the golf, I would have missed the time I spent with my kids and my wife. I made the choice to do what was right for my family. We have been married 23 years with ups and a few downs. I am happy, very happy, no regrets.

I have friends that chose passion over family, marriages are gone and the kids are a mess. Do what is right for your family, maybe you teach her to play and include the kids, maybe that is the course for your family.

 

[beereakfast]

But honey, my girlfriend said it was ok....

 

[CaptainAnhyzer]

why anybody would shack up with somebody who needs to control you and dictate what you are "allowed" to do just boggles my mind

if you aren't allowed to be you, who are you?

This.

 

[Deuces]

if you aren't allowed to be you, who are you?

Roger... is that you?

 

[disc qualified]

 

[sisyphus]

Roger... is that you?

Love It. :thmbup:

 

[simpletwist]

I had a wife like that. HAD.

 

[Flip Hyzerman]

She isn't telling you to stop playing DG - she is actually telling you to help with the kids more. She doesn't care what you do - she doesn't want to be the full time babysitter. Likely an indication that you need to find HER a hobby.

 

[luckless_pedestrian]

Of all the hobbies you could choose, disc golf seems like just about the least objectionable to a spouse. My wife was a little confused by how obsessed I was at first but she's started coming out with me when we're both free and it's nice. I tell her what I think I'm doing wrong with my form and she sometimes has really good advice. Bring the dog, it's a nice day outside. I wish she's play now, too, but I think that will come. It's the little kids that make it difficult, though. If you're bringing at least some of them with you, there's not much she can complain about.

But if she's framing it in terms of "you need to change hobbies" then you've go an uphill battle. Short of changing diapers for a hobby there's probably not much else that will please her.

 

[Brokensaint]

When I started playing, we had a 12, a 10 and a 2 year old. Like many, my obsession with the game came full blown almost immediately. To my advantage, I work nights and she works days so most of my play happened when the family was at school/work. But she still would put off that "disc golf? Again?" Vibe. There were times that she got really aggravated because it was all i wanted to do, but moreso the plastic addiction was in full swing then, so money factored in as well. But I always involved the kids in it. Much of the time, if I wanted to play when the whole family was home, I just brought the kids. I held up my end of the family chores, took the kids out of her hair sometimes and we got past it. Her jealousy of my hobby, and it was just that, turned into appreciation for the time it gave me with the boys. She has come out a few times, she gets the beauty of it. I just have to make sure I allow her the same consideration to get away. Give and take.
I know, for some guys the idea of dragging along a gaggle of kids is not the round they want to play. But keeping the family intact is job one. I guess what I'm saying is this: If you've handled an even half of the family chores (not just earning but household stuff), you're entitled to some recreation. And so is she.

 

[Deuces]

I'd just like to say that as much as you may need time to do your own thing, you also need to make time to do stuff together as a family AND alone time outside of the bedroom for just you and your wife. This is common sense, but not everyone seems to posses it. My thing is discgolf, family time is usually dinner and a movie, date time is social events she wants and hikes together to see waterfalls, wildflowers, etc.

Just some ideas.

 

[lavon_andy]

Just dropped by to say my wife plays with me a couple times a week.

I expect to get out much less once we have our first kiddo though

 

[Kenny53691]

Talk to her and see what is really bothering her. There's more to it than what she is letting on, especially if it is not taking time away from the family. If she is against disc golf, try to involve her. If your kids like like, she might too.

I agree with this 100%. My wife use to always say that she "hatted" disc golf. It turns out that she doesn't like it because I make it too much of a "priority". The thing is, she is right. I've spent twice as much time planning thing revolved around disc golf than I have planned to do things with her. Maybe your lady is the same way. She may not hate the sport, just hate our obsession to the sport.

 

[silviosanchez]

Could it be that she just doesn't get it? Unfortunately, she doesn't see the real benefits. No one should judge this game without playing it. Today she may not get it but she will in time.

 

[mashnut]

This may have already been said in this thread, but get her and the kids excited about going out with you. Turn disc golf into something the whole family does to spend time together. Play your local courses and hit a cool course when you're on vacation somewhere. If you get her involved, she'll be a whole lot more understanding of the times you want to play without her.

I'm speaking from experience, my fiancee is now almost as into disc golf as I am. We take road trips to play disc golf together and it's what we typically choose to do if we have an afternoon free. She gets the addiction, so I'm never in trouble when I want to go play leagues or a tournament or just get out with the guys once in a while. Don't make it an adversarial thing or a choice between your lady and disc golf. Make it something that is rewarding for both of you and is a way to spend more time together.