FMB Uncut full directors cut

[billnchristy]

Scene 1, hole 1 of the local course, a group is gathered that looks like some kind of disc golf clinic. The local pro is addressing the group.

LP: If you finish my clinic you will be pros, chain assassins just waiting for a tournament. But until that day you are Barneys. You aren't even 2 disc douches, you are lower than that!

Because I am hard you will not like me, but you will realize that the harder I am, the more you will learn. I don't care who you are or what you are. When you leave my camp you will be able to deuce a 440' wooded tunnel shot. Do you Barney's hear me?

B: Sir, yes sir.

(The local pro approaches a player)

LP: What's your name?

P1: Jim Towson sir!

LP: BS, your name is Polecat! Do you like that name?

PC: Yes sir!

(he approaches another)

LP: Holy S… look at the ears on you boy! I would call you mini-Climo but I have seen you throw. I am gonna call you Blowfly.

BF: Yes sir!
…….

(A player is muttering to himself) "I can ace anything because you all suck…"

LP: Who said that?, who the … said that?

(looking at another player)

LP: Was it you?

AP: No Sir

LP: You?
3P: No sir

GB: It was me, I said it

LP: Well look at you, funny man, I bet you think you can ace any hole out here don't you? DON'T YOU??

GB: No sir!

LP: I am gonna call you Goblin, because you look like a little troll and you are useless! You understand me Goblin??

GB: Yes sir!

(The pro walks down the line to an overweight player)

LP: Holy….I bet you started playing because you thought the baskets were stuffed with burgers and fries didn't you fatty?

PP: No sir!

LP: What's your name tubby?

PP: Paul Prince sir.

LP: Are you royalty? Do you throw Xcalibers because you think you are some kind of Knight?

PP: No sir.

LP: Well I don't like the name Paul and since all your other buddies are crappy mids and putters I will name you Pro Pig.

PP: Yes sir

LP: I want to see you getting deuces out there Piggy, one more bogey and you are out of my camp!

PP: Sir yes sir!

…..





Scene 2- Practice basket, the players are practicing putts while the pro walks around

NARRATOR (Goblin): Shady Oaks DGC summer Disc golf camp, home of the ego-maniac tour pro and lousy rec players with a masochistic streak. Why am I here? To make this story worth reading…I mean, everyone can't be a tool can they?

Clang! A soft wizard hits the garter belt on the top of the basket

LP: My god Polecat, I saw Helen Keller putt better than that! Do I need to put some brail on the basket for you!!??

PC: No sir

An aviar whizzes by LPs head, about 15' wide of the basket Piggy covers his eyes

LP: What the hell was that Piggy? Is this a Bugs Bunny episode? Did I turn into a hotdog before your eyes? ARE YOU GOING TO EAT ME!!??

PP: No Sir…grip lock.

LP: I bet you tell your poor 1985 dogeared playboy that same line every night. Leave Miss June Alone, Piggy!!

PP: Yessir

……..

Sun is setting and the sounds of chains ringing echoes

LP: Holllleeeeee Sh… Piggy hit one! It's a Christmas Miracle!! Where the hell is Tiny Tim? Did you eat him Piggy!!??

(fade out)

Scene 3- The group is teeing off on a tunnel shot, a 220' slight dogleg.

LP steps up and whips off a backhand that flies like it is remote controlled. The sound of metal being clinked rings through the forest.

Group: Woooooaaaahhhh

LP: Now get up here and do better! First one to Ace can spend the rest of the day at the strip club, the first one to bogey has to wash Piggy's underwear by hand!

Polecat steps up and sidearms a beauty but it hits a tree just before the dogleg leaving him with a 70' approach/putt.
LP: Ohh better luck next time Polecat, I think you ripped your panty hose on that drive too…Blowfly get up here!

Blowfly rips one that goes out of sight…it doesn't hit metal but it should be pretty close, a drop in deuce hopefully.

LP: Blowfly, what a pretty shot…but guess what, your sister is prettier and I have a date with her in 2 hours so get the hell off the tee! Piggy! Waddle your ass up here

Piggy tries to X-step, stumbles, farts, and rolls off the tee pad still clutching his roc. The group laughs thunderously

LP: I don't know what to say about that Piggy…it was your best drive all day!

Goblin finally composes himself and steps to the tee pad. He actually is using a goblin now, mostly just to piss off the LP. He lets a beauty fly and the groups jaws all drop in unison.

It flies out wide right looking like its going to nail a tree 1/3 down the fairway, and then it jerks back left just in time (all filmed in multi angle slo-mo) it banks hard right again before making the dogleg and in the split second before it should hit the basket Piggy starts to say "Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…."

Ching!

"cccccceeeeeeeeeee….."

Flop

Awwwwwwwwwww. A collective moan rolls through the crowd followed by a "f'n Piggy!"

LP: Oooooh so close Goblin…maybe I should order you a tranny stripper for your efforts!

(Fade)

…………

Scene 4 is a montage of training set to music. LP yelling and screaming and the guys missing all sorts of shots…Piggy being a moron. As it progresses you notice that more shots are being made and things are looking much better. Basically, this is a cheap and effective way to close out "the boot camp" portion of the movie and move on.

Scene 5 graduation and awards ceremony. Everyone gets their certificate and their acceptance into "The Vietnam Open" the newest and most prestigious DG tourney in Asia.

Scene 6 the final night before the trip to the open. Goblin is nervously pacing hole 5 when he hears noises from 7.

PP: You hyzer here Piggy, not a roller stupid!. (Piggy throws a roller). You couldn't hit a putt with a nuclear weapon Piggy… (He shanks the putt)…(Goblin interrupts)

GB: Paul, what are you doing out here man? Our flight is at 6am, it is going to be a pretty rough day…you are going to end up playing like sh..

PP: (turns with a devilish grin) I…do…play…like….sh…

(LP shows up…furious)

LP: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?? Goblin what are you and this moron doing out on the course at midnight when you leave at 0600???

GB: I would like to inform the pro that Paul is thinking about quitting…

LP: QUITTING???? PIGGY!!?? You have come so far!! Besides, do you know how small Vietnamese people are? You could probably devour 3 in one sitting!!

(Piggy pulls out an Xcal (Ironically) and clocks LP right on the head, knocking him clean out.)

(He then proceeds to grab his Pro Pig and turning as he walks off, just hucks it in the general direction of the basket, which is nearly 300' away).

PP: F this, I quit…(Piggy walks off as the chains clang signifying the ace)

Goblins mouth just hangs open…

(Fade)

Scene 7, Vietnam Open qualifier, prior to players meeting, the guys are hanging out waiting. An attractive woman walks up to where Goblin and his new friend Gazelle are seated.

Caddy: Hey baby, you have caddy Vietnam open?

GB: Not at this moment, no.

CD: Well baby, me good caddy, me good caddy, me carry long time. You want?

GB: I might, how much?

CD: Fifteen dolla

GB: Fifteen for the both of us?

CD: No, each you fifteen dolla. Me carry long time, Me good caddy.

GB: Fifteen too boo-coo, 5 each?

CD: Me hold your water, me hydrate you much

GB: $5 is all I have left from the entry fee

CD: Ok ten dolla each

GB: What do you carry for 10 dollars?

CD: Everything you want

GB: Everything?

CD: Everything

TD: Meet up everyone!

The two walk off as the TD calls the groups. The caddy throws her arms up in exasperation and moves on to the next group.

TD: For those of you who have never tried to enter the Vietnam Open, this is how it works. Over the next two weeks there are 5 qualifiers held at different courses in the area: Sum Phat Pus (goblin and gazelle chuckle), Bing Bang Bop, Sin Sin Phan, Tets Un Bor, and Chow Sum Box. (hysterical laughter from several players). Hey I don't come up with this stuff people, listen up!

(Crowd calms down)

TD: Each qualifier is two rounds. The top 5 in each division will then qualify for the open. The Open will be one round at each of the 5 qualifiers PLUS a special final round, a temporary course constructed on the old "Ho Chi Minh trail".

(woooahs from crowd)

In addition to the 5 qualifiers we also have the following special rounds available:
Mixed doubles at Chow Sum Box (yup, more laughter)
Ace competition at Bing Bang Bop
Pro Am Doubles at Sin Sin Phan
And the ever popular ring of fire at Sum Phat Pus
(groans from the crowd)

TD: You may sign up for one or all of the qualifiers right now, but here is the rub, if you sign up you pay upfront. If you make it in round 1 you do not get your money back, it goes into the finals pot. If you sign up for only 1 round today and fail to qualify, you go home. The choice is yours. Entry is for the next 2 hours only.

(players nervous whispering gets louder)

TD: Representatives from each course are standing by, each round has a table and you can also sign up for the side action at the respective table. Oh and I was just informed that Tets Un Bor is going to feature a young and old doubles with a local kid pairing up with those who sign up. Proceeds will go to EDGE Vietnam. Thanks everyone, and good luck!

(people start to disperse)

 

[billnchristy]

GB: Man, Gazelle…I only have the jack on hand to sign up for one qualifier have you checked DGCR to see what these courses are like?

GZ: Well, Sum Phat Pus has some HUGE gaps to shoot and a couple shots over this enormous grand canyon sized gash.

GB: Dude…

GZ: Seriously! It's like a 130' elevation change with a 440' drive necessary or you have to take a drop in the middle of a bamboo forest.

GB: Ok, f' that joint. What about Sin Sin Phan?

GZ: Normally it looks pretty easy, but I have been told they set up some crazy stuff to make it harder. It seems more gimmicky than difficult. Do or die stuff.

GB: Naw, any guesses what would fit me best? I know we haven't played a round yet but just talking I hope you get an idea of my style.

GZ: Personally, I am going to sign up for them all, but I think round 2 at Bing Bang Bop is ideal. Tough part is there are some water hazards in the form of rice paddies that will really eat your score up. If you can stay out of those I think you could finish in the money.

GB: Well…I guess I will give it a try…
(starts to walk off)

GZ: Hey man, Here is a $10. I have heard that if you win the Ace Run you are guaranteed a spot as long as you hit one or more. Worth the shot if you get banged at bing' bop!

GB: Dude, you are a lifesaver!

(they split to sign up for their rounds)

…..

(Here is where we get kind of mixed up. There is too much good Apocalypse Now kind of sh.. to not take advantage of…so full metal jacket kind of ends and Apocalypse Now kind of picks up…really the stuff gets very independent and only nods to the classics in certain scenes.)

Scene 8 the famous ceiling fan scene from Apocalypse. Goblin is laying in bed waiting for his qualifier.

GB Narrates: Saigon….sh..still in Saigon. The qualifier at Bing Bang Bop is another day away. I can't go practice because every course in Vietnam is being used for the Open…I need to go…I need to throw…

Music and video montage of Goblin practicing throwing fake throws. He eventually starts releasing and ends up trashing the room. He passes out on the bed.

Knocks on door

GZ: Goblin get up! It's time for the qualifier!

Goblin groggily wakes and looks around at his trashed room…totally confused.

GZ: Open the goddamn door Goblin! Come on we can't be late.

Goblin staggers to the door and lets Gazelle in, Gazelle looks around with a WTF look on his face. There are discs everywhere and everything that is breakable is broken and the walls have many disc penetrations in them.

GZ: Dude….you better win the Open or you are going to be working at Holiday Inn for the rest of your life.

GB: Don't f… with me right now please…just help me get my sh.. together.

The two scramble around trying to find all of Goblins discs. Neither of them notice that his Opto Line Core is under the bed…

(Fade)

Scene 9: Walkthrough of course prior to tourney, Gazelle, a 2x Vietnam Open entrant (runner up one year) explains the intricacies of the very hilly, moderately wooded course with the few field shots over terraces of rice paddies.

GZ: 3 is a bitch man, but 4…dude, four is where it happens. (They reach the top of the bamboo forest's hill where #3s basket is and look out into the clearing for 4.)

GB: Dude, is that 4 out that opening?

GZ: Yeah, come up here and look, its amazing.

The two reach the teepad and they are standing at the top of a terraced hill. 5 tiers down there is a large shallow pond for rice irrigation, 100 feet after that is the basket, on an island green…literally. All told you need an accurate 450' drive or a hell of an accurate layup and approach.

GB: Wow man…We must be 80' up, do you think a 300' drive would reach that green with the height difference?

GZ: I can hit 320' on a good day and I have splashed once and damn near aced the second time. The key is to hope you are not first up…second round I actually intentionally dropped a bird so I could watch the others throw. It is all about the wind and adjusting for it. Good news is there is usually a tail wind…bad news is, that tail wind can take your ass right passed the basket and into a water buffalo. Let me tell you, you had better be good at running if you hit one of those bastards!

GB: haha I hear you man….

(Sound trails off and the camera backs out showing an overhead view of the gorgeous course).

(fade)

Scene 10, Bing Bang Bop qualifier proper. More of a montage with the scorecard coming up on the screen…I am sure you have seen a scene like this in a sports flick. Video of people we have never seen and of course Goblin and Gazelle. We go through the first 3 holes like this then go to live action for 4.

A Vietnamese dude takes the first shot. He whips his 150 class Orion LS beautifully and the wind buffets it up and down but it holds a strong line and holds clean, onto the island green and 40' or so from the basket.

(nices ring through the group)

A guy they all call Banshee is next (he screams when he throws, like a tennis player grunts, but high pitched). Banshee whips his shot as a hyzer flip but he doesn't realize that Sum Pho had fought a side wind with his shot. The disc bombs right into the paddy with a splash and thud.

Gazelle is next and looks back to Goblin, who had been steady parring up to this point. He gives Goblin a nod as he throws a sidearm shot with a Latitude Primitus. The wind plays hell with his shot and it looks like it is shoving it straight into the pond but right at the last moment that glorious tailwind he talked about picked his disc up and it literally flattened out 3' above the pond…sailing right for the pin!

GZ: Go go go go

Ching! Straight up ace

(Cheers)

GB: Holy sh.. dude, no pressure or anything…God!

Goblins shot goes well and he is in deuce territory and ends up taking second on the hole to Gaz. Sum Pho pars after hitting the garter belt and Banshee bogeys.

Back to the scene montage. Gazelle, Pho and Goblin battle out on their card, Banshee is pretty much sunk after the bogey. We also see other cards and if you are one of those smart kids you can see that both Gazelle and Goblin are sitting between 3rd and 6th depending on the hole. Round one ends with Goblin just out of the money 2 strokes behind Gazelle.

GZ: Dude, if you are still behind me after 16 I will throw it.

GB: Hell no man, what if you blow the other qualifiers? Hell no…I can't let you. I am either getting in legit or I am going home.

GZ: Man I have plenty of chances…this is it for you…

GB: If you want me in, wear my GD shirt and ace 4 again during the Ace Race.

Goblin winks at him

Gazelle shakes his head but is still thinking of throwing the game for him

Boom! More montagery. This movie writing **** is easy! The second round is flown through up to hole 15 which is hole 1 for the Goblin/Gazelle gang. Yeah foreshadow that Hitchcock…18 is going to be hole 4! Freaking crazy huh? Gazelle and Goblin are tied and sit 4th.

Hole one goes easy, everyone deuces. Hole 2 goblin pars and Gaz deuces. Now hole 3…oh man…
GB Narrates: What drama. I am a stroke back and back in 6th as the 5th place moved up next to Gaz. I want to throw this hole like Gaz told me but I cannot afford the stroke…especially since it is common practice to do so…do I take the deuce and risk hole 4…SH!!!

Everyone makes a clean drive and is no more than 35' back. Luckily Goblin had the longest drive so he can observe what the others do. Gazelle shanks it as expected, Pho makes it but is 3 strokes back and nobody gives a **** about Banshee anymore…13 back.

GB Narrates: Boom! I can take the birdie and still go second.

Goblin sinks the putt. Three way tie for 4th now. Beat down from a pretty grueling 2 round ordeal he does not want to go to a playoff.

Hole 4 is teed up by Pho who again places it beautifully within deuce range.

Goblin steps up while going internal (that means we see his thoughts) and we see various levels of screw up…worm burners onto the 3rd tier, pond splashes, and the last one hits a water buffalo in the nuts…Goblin shakes the thoughts out of his head and we go internal again…This time 40 topless women are hoisting him up while he holds a Stanley cup sized trophy. We come back to him grinning and nodding this time and he confidently takes his drive….with What the hell??? A tomahawked Epic???

The plan was brilliant…the damn thing flies up into a low orbit like a rocket…way too fast to be affected by the wind, flips and sails back down landing cleanly about 15' from the basket.

Crowd: Holy…..(or horry)

Goblin jumps up and pumps his fist, Gazelle high fives him and winks.

GB: No dude…don't

Gaz actually has word that the guy who had tied up 4th has parred his final hole so if they deuce they are in regardless, Goblin doesn't know and thinks he is going to shank it on purpose.

GZ: I got this.

Goblin shakes his head and looks down disappointingly. He can't believe Gazelle is going to risk his chance.

Gaz throws a beauty that bombs in and actually bounces off of Goblins disc and ends up on top of the basket!

(everyone cheers)
Goblin looks up surprised and runs to the end of the pad and sees the bright red disc on top of the basket.

GB: Showoff

GZ: Had ya there didn't I…We are in man…well, if you can sink a 15' putt…think you can handle it…?

GB: God I hope so…

They both Deuce, tie for 4th and take home enough money to pay the hotel bill until the finals.

(fade)

Ace run montage shows Goblin hit a 223' for the only ace in the field and takes home another couple hundred on top of his 4th place winnings.

Goblin celebrates as Gazelle runs up to him

GZ: Dude, let's go find that hot caddy!

They laugh and walk off

 

[billnchristy]

Scene 11: Partying in town montage. At some point we see the caddy sitting in Goblins lap and Gazelle has his own too.

Scene 12 montage, short clips of the other rounds. We see Polecat and Blowfly make it in and then go to real time with the two of them talking in whispers.

BF: Dude…did you see that guy?

PC: No man, it couldn't be…

BF: Well, he made it in…we will see Friday…

(fade)

Scene 13: Goblin wakes up with his caddy snuggled next to him the day of the opening round of the open. He stretches and yawns and stumbles to the bathroom naked (gratuitous man-ass shot lets us see more girly parts in a minute…it's a proven scientific fact)….and 3…2…1…Caddy stretches as well, letting the blanket fall exposing her breasts. She gets up, naked as well and does some stretches. As she is bending over the camera loses focus on her butt and shows that damn Core still sitting there….oh the suspense!!

(fade)

Scene 14, The Vietnam Open…finally. The 25 top qualifiers are all on hand for the open division. We see a lot of the main campers again as mentioned before, plus Gazelle and of course a bunch of people we have never seen. There seems to be a small crowd blocking the view of another one of the players.

TD: You made it! Give yourselves a round of applause. (applause follows). Those that contributed healthy amounts to the finale pot I want to thank you personally. The Open's winner will walk away with over $7,000 in cash and a new Honda Civic! (ooooohs resonate throughout the crowd, they had no idea). On top of that, the winner of the Ho Chi Minh challenge final round gets an extra $1,500 and a rickshaw ride through town on the way to the finest restaurant in Vietnam. (more oooohs). We do it like the Vibram people, everyone from here out cashes and I am happy to say that 25th will be taking home no less than $400!! (wooooooooowwws). Lastly, the good people at Burger Dictator (local chain) have sponsored a $10k ace pot on hole 7 of the Ho Chi Minh challenge. (daaaaayyyyyummmmmm) We will also have 36 $100 CTPs throughout the 6 rounds. (maaaaan)

TD: I will let all that sink in for a minute and then we will split up and start throwing discs! Are you guys ready??

All: YES!

Scene 15: Montage!! (what?? Oh yeah…) Some serious discing being done here. We also start seeing a card that has a crown as the guys name. Hiiiiint. The round ends with Gazelle 3 strokes behind crown and Goblin another stroke behind him. Polecat sits 8th and Blowfly is hanging in 5th.

Gaz and Goblin are heading towards their rickshaws when they hear a rustling in the bushes. PSST Goblin.

Goblin turns and looks toward the bush, he sees the figure and motions Gaz to go on…

GB: I will meet you at the bar…

Goblin walks to the bushes and sees LP

GB: What are you doing here?

LP: Crown is Piggy. He has gone off the deep end. You must beat him…beat him with extreme prejudice…

GB: Dude, if you are holding such a grudge, why the hell didn't you enter?

LP: I was in a goddamn coma for the last two weeks you twit! That sonofabitch really messed me up…now I slurr my pppppppps…..see!??

GB: Woah…that is pretty messed up man. I will do my best.

LP slinks back into the bushes

LP: We'll be in touch

(fade)

Scene 16-Scene at bar, the guys eat, hang out and chat and head to bed rather early. Another tough round tomorrow.

Scene 17-Long 'tage showing the remaining courses up to the Ho-Chi-Minh special. Crown sits first after 5, -15 down, Gazelle is -12, Goblin -10, Some Pho, -8, Blowfly -5, Polecat -3. Everyone else is +. We see that Goblin has wracked up $1100 in CTP money. The scene sequence goes over some shots, the nightly drinks, the nightly caddy party, SSS (sh, shower, shave) sequences and dawn breaks on "The Minh"

Scene 18-"The Minh"

GB Narrates: The Minh…. Unbelievable hole after hole. This is deuce or die heaven, usually netting you bogey plus if you are off by a mere few feet in your calculations. You will either need the game of your life or lady luck on her knees for you the entire time.

TD: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to….."THE MINH!"

Applause

TD: And what is this…a surprise? Today will be the preliminary round, tomorrow will be the finals.

ALL: What!?!

TD: That's right. Tonight all but the top 4 go home. 5-25th are crowned and paid and tomorrow the Minh will again be the scene of a legendary battle. Tomorrow, you start at Zero.

Gasps

GB to GZ: Jesus man…these guys are brutal…

GZ: Yeah but you should see the afterparty dude…un freakin real.

TD: (voice fades as he goes over rules)
(fade)

Scene 19- Hole 1. 565' rainforest shot. Par 4. flat to 350' then a 40' downhill to the basket in a mango grove. The first card is Goblin, Some Pho, Blow Fly, and a guy named Roc. Roc sits 10th at +12 and would really have to light a fire to make the cut. At a place like this, anything can happen though.

BF: Goblin takes the tee (glancing at score card)

Goblin tees off and makes an ok shot. He fades to the edge of the fairway but is about 250' down the tunnel, the next shot, with a good approach and the elevation change, could end up on the green.

Some Pho tees up next and outdrives GB but ends up a good 10' in the bush…could be trouble.

Blowfly takes it easy and places a 200' shot right dead center of the fairway.

Roc pulls out a 20 years of Roc in day-glo orange and drives past the elevation drop…possibly even onto the green…or into the sh.. so deep that he might need a scuba suit to get out….we won't know until later.

Blowfly takes another 200' but with the elevation drop he lands about 50' away from the pin.

Goblin drops one about 30' out

Some Pho tomahawks to the fairway and barely makes it out. He curses in Vietnamese and takes his 3rd shot, 75' out from the pin.

As the start coming down the hill it is apparent that Roc's shot was a winner. He sits about 15' from the basket and is in Eagle range.

RC: Yesssssssss

GB: Nice shot man

BF: Definitely

They hole out: Some Pho bogeys, Blowfly pars, Goblin birdies, Roc eagles.

Montage skips a couple holes: Roc -4, Goblin -2, Blowfly even, Some +2

Hole 4: 382' par 3 along winding river. There are layup and drop zones 150' on either side of the river staggered. One can go for the easy bogey or lucky par by following. Your only other option is to hang it all out and follow the river as a tight tunnel shot. The green is right next to the bank on a sandy beach. A lazy backwards S is the only way to birdie.

Roc steps up to the tee and shakes his head. He knows he has a super low probability but is also far enough behind in the tourney where he absolutely must go for it.

He rips a drive that swings left all the way to the heavily vined bank. It starts the first part of its curve and just misses all the obstacles. The disc goes out of sight around the river bend and the group waits.

(distant wooooooaahaahhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhh!) followed by applause

RC: Holy sh… I made it!!!!

GB: Dude…

Goblin cannot take the thought of laying up but also knows he cannot pull a drive that far so he lays up to the second pad with a tough LHBH 300' out. A radio call says he made it to which he pumps his fist.

Some Pho lays up to the first bank.

Blowfly hits the drink but does so far enough to use the 2nd drop zone.

Roc birdies, Goblin pars, Pho bogeys, Blowfly double bogeys

Roc -5, Goblin -2, Blowfly +2, Pho +3

We see another group hole out 13 and see their scores:

Gazelle -3, Crown, -2, Polecat +1, Whippet +4

Another group holes out 18:

Cheetah +3, Leopard +5, Dak Phun +7, Stalker +9

Yet another on 2:

Toh Pan -1, Phin Tang even, Beast +2, Tony (aka The Boss) +4

 

[billnchristy]

Another hole jump…the boys are on 12:

Hole 12 is a valley jump. The tee is on a tall part of the trail, the basket is along the trail as it winds down a mountain. Following the trail the hole is 1236' but as the crow flies it is 611' with a 134' elevation drop. There is a cliff backing the basket for 30' to either side, after that you disc will drop off the face of the earth and you will take a drop down the trail at the 832' mark. Par 3 and if you don't birdie you have a real slim chance of parring.

The card is as follows:

Roc -10, Goblin -7, Pho +5, Blowfly +9

RC: Man I had a dream about this shot…it was shown in the brochure at the end of last year's. The key…in my mind, is to hit that cliff and hope your shot flops down to the basket. A big fat hyzer out over the mountains with the heaviest, meanest wind cutting monster you got and it will drop right in…

GB: I am glad you're first man…This makes bing bang bop look like a pitch and putt.

Roc steps up and lets fly. It is clear he is blessed to day and the disc does exactly what he wanted…flopping less than 10' from the basket.

Goblin just shakes his head…forgetting that Roc was so far out at the beginning he actually starts playing for 2nd.

Goblin studies the layout and spots an easy shot that will give him a cake approach that will be almost foolproof (the angle allows for a 3 sided approach instead of a 1 sided drive). He lays up to what amounts for about 60% distance to the target and actually gets a nod from one of the tournament helpers.

Some Pho goes for broke and swings wide. The disc seems to float forever and probably landed in a town 100 miles away based on the updrafts it kept getting. Pho ashamedly treks to the layup zone for his drop.

Blowfly goes for it as well and makes the shot, landing just on the edge of the proper green, but close enough for either a lay up par or a risky Cliffside birdie.

Pho double bogeys, blowfly lays up for par, goblin pars, and roc birdies.

At the end of the round everyone gathers up:

Roc ends up -15
Goblin -3
Blowfly +9
Pho +11

The last card comes in with Piggy and Gazelle and everyone sits anxiously awaiting the final outcome.


TD: In 25th we have: Stalker
24th Buzzz
23rd Monarch
22nd The Boss
21st (blah blah)
….
10th Dak Phun
9th Cheetah
8th Leopard
7th Blowfly
6th Polecat
5th Some Pho

Well, you guys know who the hell the rest of you are, but let me tell you something:
1) You 4 are the only under par totals.
2) Roc…WTF man!!??? From 12 over to -3 in one round…epic man!

4th at -3, Roc!

Applause

Tied at 2nd with -13 a piece, Goblin and Gazelle!!

Applause

And 1st…the dark horse….at -18, Prince!!!

Some applause and a few jeers of Piggy!

Piggy locks eyes with Goblin and he sees the insanity that has taken the man over. Tomorrow is going to be a battle to the death…

Crowd shakes hands while we fade

TD: Tomorrow you start at zero (zero zero) (echo).

(fade)

Scene 20 Goblin is tossing and turning in his bed moaning something along the lines of Piggy don't drop me. We pan under the bed to the Core still sitting there and we notice that it is inked with 5 different aces…all at 313-323 feet….

Dawn

Scene 21- Half of the country of Vietnam has come out for the finale. There are literally rotisserie water buffalo being cooked and the entire losing field has gathered to watch the final round. The TD speaks up.

TD: 18 more holes. 18 more chances for victory….or failure. Gentlemen, congratulate yourselves…you have done an amazing job. You have weathered brutal heat, torrential rains, poisonous snakes, tigers and many other deadly obstacles to get here. On top of that you played some damn amazing disc golf amidst all that other sh..!!!

The crowd cheers

TD: Give it all you've got today. There are no more lay up zones on today's course. Drops will be taken at the tee. We will start at hole 8 because it is at the highest elevation and we can work our way back down. 7 also ends near the parade grounds where the ultimate after party will take place.

TD: Gentlemen! Good luck!

GB: (narrates) All or nothing. Today I have to make drives my tired and aching body has never made.

GZ: (pats GBs back) May the best man win…

GB: Thanks, good to hear you have already resigned. (smiles)

The round starts and we do just like we always do…show a few holes here and there. The lead changes hands back and forth until about the 14th hole. Gazelle shanks a drive and ends up with a double bogey. Roc bogeys and the 2 start slipping from the top. It will clearly be a fight between Goblin and Piggy (shock eh?)

A torrential downpour starts and Goblins disc gets washed down a hill on 17. While Piggy is holing out we see Goblin pop up, completely covered in mud with his disc in his mouth. He proceeds to par.

Our montage here shows matching drives, matching approaches, matching damn putts even…these two are fighting it out but staying dead even.

Hole 5:

488' par 4 through a bamboo tunnel, up over a blind hill to a right dogleg. Piggy nails a 300' drive which puts him mid hill with a nice 188' approach downhill for his second shot.

Goblin doesn't quite match the drive and is still on the blind side of the hill on his second shot.

His second shot ends up just inside the bamboo forest 70' out.

Piggy steps up, takes a couple breaths, digs a couple times and launches his pig. He nails the chains and the r-pro sticks just enough to slow the disc…it lands face down on the edge of the basket, wobbles, and topples in (all in slo-mo of course).

Goblin covers his face and drops to his knees while Piggy jumps up.

Goblin pars out and is behind 2 strokes going into the final 2 holes.

The both par 6.

Hole 7- 318' downhill tunnel shot with vines on the right side preventing a nice S-curve to the pin.

Piggy steps up and throws his pig again. It flies out a bit wide and taps one of the vines in the canopy, this sends the disc careening off course tumbling down the hill. It starts to roll directly toward the basket but veers off and tumbles into some brush about 120' from the pin.

Goblin steps up to tee and asks Caddy to pull out his Core. It is a perfect disc for this shot and he wonders why the hell he hadn't been using it more…

CD: No Core in bag. You want Buzzz?

GB: No core…no, there is a light blue one…5 aces inked on it, it should be right next to the Ching Tank and the Banger…

CD: You look, see, no core.

GB: Sht…sht…sht…I need an ace and my damn ace disc goes missing. (Glares at Piggy) I wonder where the hell it went…

PG: I would suggest you hurry your ass up and if you want to borrow a Pig I have a couple…and I can throw them like the edge of a straight razor…

GB glares again

GZ: Dude, you have to take the shot here soon or he will get you DQ'd. I know you can do it man…just picture that Core doing its thing…

GB: I have an HPP Element I could try…oh well…here goes nothing.

Goblin steps up and rips a hyzer flip because the element has too much fade to dump straight in.

The disc buzzes by the vines just missing by less than an inch. It swings out and starts fading in but it looks like it is dropping too fast. It starts coming down tombstone about 20' from the basket. It lands, tacos, flops back up, flips several times in the air and wedges itself into the basket.

TD: The score is tied, the score is tied!!!!!!

Goblin is jumping up and down and yelling when he notices piggy rushing to his second shot.

GB: TD, I need to hole that out so it won't distract Piggy ok?

TD: I wouldn't have it any other way….Pig…uh, Prince, hold up…

Piggys shoulders sag at the order…he had hoped to ring the basket and knock the ace out.

Goblin pulls his element through the basket and records his ace with a huge smile on his face.

Piggy steps up for his very difficult birdie attempt, still having a chance for victory. He throws his Rhyno and hits the garter belt and while the disc is flipping through the air the skies open up again in a torrential pour.

Piggy is trying to keep his balance on the slope while shooting for the difficult but not that hard par from about 35' out. He reaches out to test his putt and on his release the mud gives way and he ends up ass over tea kettle and his disc sails off wildly.

TD: Goblin wins!!! Goblin wins!!!

Piggy is rolling down the hill yelling no!!!!!!!!!!!

The sky opens up and the sun shines down on Goblin as people rush out to meet him. Several slip and roll down the hill just like Piggy did but several meet up with Goblin and hoist him into the air.

TD: The committee has informed me that the ace by Goblin will be allowed and Goblin is awarded the additional $10,000 USD!!!

GB: Holy!!!! Sht……..

Cheers

Piggy has disappeared again…back into the shadows…

LP swaggers up: Great job, you defeated that ppppppiggy bastard.

GB: Yes I did, now get your ass back to health so you can do it next year…

Scene 22- The party is nuttttts. Everybody is having a great time. Goblin is talking to Caddy.

GB: I had a great time with you. You should really think about coming to the states with me. I could teach you how to play and caddy for you on the national tour!

CD: Oh that very generous but I no play…just like to watch. I want to go school for business but I have no money.

GB: How much is college here? I know a guy with more money than he knows what to do with…

CD: I couldn't it so much…

GB: How about I give you that ace pot and go as far as you can?

CD: It so much….

GB: I insist…but I have one condition…

CD: What?

GB: No caddy for anyone else but me!

CD: You silly….

As the camera backs out to overview the party we see glowing eyes peering through the bush….

Piggy!!!!

(fade)

 

[Camgolfer]

I like your style and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

[billnchristy]

We have pix of Donnie and Marie...

 

[zenbot]

You have won the internet!

 

[sloppydisc]

Yo Tolstoy

I'm sure that was great, but I have a job, 2 hobbies (sometimes 3), 2 kids, 2 dogs, a wife and a drinking problem. I can't take that much time without getting paid or buzzed. You Sir have a lot of free time on your hands. You must play really well.

 

[Omega SuperSloth]

wheres the vid